What your coffee says about you

What your coffee says about you


Session 2 is well and truly upon us. For many of us, campus and the surrounding town feels as familiar as our left thumbs; we know where to go for last-minute study snacks and daily supplies of coffee. For some of us, we are fresh-faced and feverishly trying to juggle a new town, new campus, new routine, and new baristas.

As a reformed coffee drinker, I have spent many hours in cafes both participating and watching participants in the social habit of ‘getting a coffee’. Combining people-watching with a love for this roasted bean has formed a horoscope, if you will, of what your coffee choice says about you. So, as you settle in for Session 2, and dust off your Keep-Cups and Thermoses, let’s reflect on the relationship between our coffee styles and ourselves.

Cappuccino

You are a baby boomer, or at least you act like one. You like having a chat over a cuppa, and think that everything in life should be done with bikkies on the side. You tend to be well-informed on many social and political issues, without the need to always win a debate. You’re easily pleased, and don’t mind if you get chocolate or no chocolate on your cuppa, but you are willing to discuss the origins of both to anyone who is willing to engage. We can find you in the International Studies lounge.

Long black

You drink coffee because you need to, not as a social sport. You’re a busy person who most likely has left things to the last minute, and now you’re pulling an all-nighter. You probably have many hobbies, and a creative mind. You’ll either be composing a score in the music rooms, or in the Engineering block.

Espresso

You mean business. You’re not here to ‘make friends’ or ‘play nice’. You don’t like wasting your time, and you have things to do and people to see. You’re so hard core your tongue doesn’t even hurt if the coffee is at 98 degrees. We won’t find you anywhere; you’re so ‘on-the-go’ that we can’t pin you to one place.

Piccolo

You are a fitness freak. You like pleasure and pain, at the same time. You can probably recite the caloric value of your piccolo, because you’ve entered it into MyFitnessPal so many times. You’re a goal setter, and smasher, and usually quite focused and determined. You’re likely to be out for a run when we go looking for you.

Flat white

You are a perfectionist. You like the sweeter things in life, but on your terms. You recognise the difference between a Latte and a F/W, and watch out if the barista gave you too much foam. You like to make a good thing last. We can probably find you in the library, writing lists, scheduling your diary, or studying.

Mocha

You’re a kid in an adult body. You like some concepts of ‘adulting’, like drinking coffee, but you hate the bitter side of being over 18. On the weekend, you’d rather be at a picnic, at Skyzone, or Cosplay – Supanova, than studying or paying bills. You’re happy-go-lucky, and always up for a coffee. We can find you at the café, hanging out with whoever is up for a cup.

Flat white on half-and-half with caramel shot, cream, and rainbow sprinkles

You’re a soul seeker with an identity crisis. You’re not quite sure who you are, where you’re going, or what you’ll be when you grow up, and you make no apologies for being this way. You are unapologetically expressive and unique. You are likely to also love kittens, cupcakes, and unicorns. We can’t find you anywhere, because you haven’t yet found yourself.

Decaf

You are an impostor.

The next time you’re standing in line waiting to order your sweet cup o’ joe, have a listen to the orders before you.

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